that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
