you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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