I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
