I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
