what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
