I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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