I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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