why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
