i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
