I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
