It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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