we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
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