I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
