So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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