Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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