Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
