i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
