We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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