He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
