the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
