i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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