I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize