My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
