i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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