I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
