Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
ok first of all what the fuck
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
