I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
