I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
