I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
