i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
