Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
