In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
