So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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