MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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