can we get nightvision for the apartment?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
