i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
