After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
