wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
