new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was like eating out sand paper
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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