Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
