Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
