why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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