She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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