well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize