K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
