I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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