I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
