I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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