I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
