I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Randomize
