finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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