Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
