I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
