i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have so many feelings about this burrito
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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