I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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