How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
