The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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