those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
This is my life. Enjoy the view
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize