but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
