You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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