Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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