Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
