fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
