You made me cry and you don't even care
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
