I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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