yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
