K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
All I want is dick and wine.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize