he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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