I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
